November 22, 2016
I've never known what it's like to belong. I've always felt out of place. In my family, in school, on the street, at work, in life. I'm always the odd man out. It's like there's this other world where everyone seems to live and I only get to see it from a distance. Things happen around me and I merely observe it, but not really experience it. Like I'm living without existing. Or perhaps the other way around, whichever sounds more poetic.
People around me seem to be enough with who they are and what they have. But nothing has ever felt enough for me. I've always wanted more. I've always been so sure that there's something bigger waiting for me. Something calling me, something that would give me purpose. I've never known what it would be and I still don't. It's yet to reveal itself to me, it's yet to come. But what am I to do until it does? How am I supposed to live if I don't exist? How am I supposed to go on?
I've often felt that I'd like for someone to show me the right way. I keep taking wrong turns and getting lost. But other times I feel as if there is no right way and it makes me feel like there is no place for me. Nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide. I am out of place. I am not where I'm supposed to be. And I don't know if I'll ever find the answers I'm looking for. And it's terrifying. So I just hope I get it right. I just hope that I know which way to go. I'm so tired of all the wrong turns. I'm tired of being misguided.
I need the answers I'm looking for.
I need to find the right way.